A Most Curious Phenomenon, Avenger Style
by SadieBloo
Summary: Love is in the air! An Avengers version of the play, A Most Curious Phenomenon. Tony and Bruce are scientists struggling to find out what exactly is love and what causes it. Loki is called up as an audience participation member and things get crazy! Frostiron, Capsicoul, and Science Bros


**AN: My School recently did a show of A Most Curious Phenomenon and I reaaaallly wanted to do an Avengers version. So here you go!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers or A Most Curious Phenomenon**

Tony Stark and Bruce Banner walked onto a stage wearing white lab coats. They had an entire area set up with equipment and chalkboards. The two stepped in front of the crowded audience. "Welcome." said Tony. "Before we begin, we just want to clarify something. We are not actors, or artists of any kind." said Bruce, adjusting his glasses. "Shall we say it together?" asked Tony. "We are scientists." they both said at the same time. "And we are not here for your entertainment or amusement, or ours for that matter. We are here in the pursuit of knowledge according to the scientific method." Tony explained. "And the question we are here to answer is..." Bruce pointed a remote at a dark corner and a spotlight lit up over Phil Coulson, who was crying quietly into his hands. "..How did this happen?" Bruce picked up where Tony left off, pointing the remote back at Phil and the spotlight over him dimmed. "First, we must answer a few sub questions." said Tony. "Who is he?" he asked, turning to Bruce. "Philip Coulson, age thirty two." said Bruce. "And second, what is the '_this' _of 'How did this happen?'" asked Bruce. "I'll let you take that one, Tony." he said. "How did Phil.. oh I can't say it, it's too embarrassing." he told Bruce. "Aw come on, do it for science, Tony." Bruce said. "How did Phil fall in love?" Tony blurted. "Ugh.. I feel so dirty." he said.

"For now we ask you, not to address us by our names. For all intents and purposes, I am Phil Scientist One." said Bruce. "And I am Phil Scientist Two." said Tony. "You will see a lot of names like ours during this presentation. For example, Phil Coulson Young." Bruce said, pointing the remote off stage where a little boy skipped out. He had brown hair and inquisitive blue eyes. He rocked back and forth on his heels anxiously in front of the audience. He wore a dapper little suit and tie. "And Phil Coulson Present Day." And an adult Phil walked out on to the stage. "You may wonder why Phil can't simply portray himself." said Tony. "He can not because he is currently.. indisposed at the moment." Tony said, pointing the remote at the real Phil Coulson and the spot light was once again on him, and then quickly shut off.

Bruce ushered Phil Young and Present Day off the stage. Tony paused a moment. "Do you hear that?" Tony asked, directing to the audience. "...Scoffing. Audible scoffing coming from the audience." Said Bruce. Tony looked out at the audience for a moment. "We need a representative audience member." he said, running out into the crowd. He looked around, finding the right person. Finally, he came across a man with black hair and sharp green eyes. Tony took the man by the hand, dragging him onto the stage. The man struggled, trying to free himself. "Unhand me you fools! Let me go!" He yelled. "Will you please state your name for the audience?" Bruce asked him. "No, let me go, this is crazy!" said the man. Bruce grabbed the man and kneed him in the stomach. He collapsed with an 'Oof.' "Sorry about that." Said Bruce, adjusting his glasses. Tony rushed to the man's side. "Are you alright? I apologize for my colleague. He doesn't really know when to stop." Said Tony, apologetically. "Will you please state your name for the audience? "Loki Laufeyson." the man grumbled.

"So Loki, will you be our participating audience member?" Tony asked. "No. No way." Said Loki. The billionaire shrugged "Would you do it for... a thousand dollars?" he asked. Eh, what was two thousand, anyway? That made Loki stop and think. "Fine." he said pointedly.

"So now let us bring in Phil Coulson present day once again." said Bruce. He pointed the remote offstage and in walked Phil. "Phil, will you stand right in the center of the stage, please?" said Bruce. Phil Present Day did has instructed. "Now Loki, we know how the untamed unscientific male mind often rates the bodies and looks of possible mates. We want you to rank Phil present day. Sexy? Cute? Ugly?" Bruce asked. "

"Excuse me? I hardly think thats-" Tony started "A bit awkward.. I can't do this, not while he can hear... it's just too weird." said Loki, carding his hands through his hair. "I agree." said Tony quickly. But Bruce persisted. "Would you say he is sexy?" he asked, taking out a notepad. "Fine." said Loki. "Fine, he's sexy, happy?" Loki rolled his eyes at them. Tony then stood in the middle of the stage. "We should have a comparison. What do you think of me, Loki? Do you find me sexy?" Tony asked, removing his lab coat. "Phil Scientist Two!" said Bruce, looking appalled.

Tony cleared his throat. "Eherm.. yes, I'm not sure what came over me." he said quietly. He quickly put on his lab coat while a very confused Loki just stood there. Phil present day walked offstage, looking almost equally confused.

"Now we must go further into Phil's past. Bring in Phil Young." said Tony. He pointed the remote offstage and in skipped little Phil Coulson. "Do you know how many earths it would take to fill our sun?" said Phil. "It would take one million. Isn't that a fabulous statistic?" he said. Loki cleared his throat. "Actually it isn't a statistic, it's a measurement." said Loki. "Who cares? That's stupid, therefore you are stupid." said Phil. He stuck his tongue out at Loki. "Oh, that's mature." said Loki, walking towards Phil. Tony could sense the tension, so he quickly stepped between the two.

Bruce turned to the crowd. "As you can see, even as a child, Phil Coulson was always very intelligent." he observed. "Enter Phil's parents." said Tony. Little Phil's mother and father walked over to the little boy. "Hello sweetie, how was school?" asked his mother. "Well.." Phil began. "We watched a very informative movie, during which, Clint Barton tried to hold my hand." he stated. His two parents looked at each other. "So I inquired as to his intentions, and he could not give me a straight answer. I don't know what he could possibly have wanted." said Phil Young. Phil's mother ushered her husband out of the room. "Well dear, there's only one way to put it. He want's to mate with you." said his mother. Phil simply looked confused. "But I'm only eight. I do not yet possess the ability to mate." said Phil. "That's correct. But it's just his instinct. The next time he wants to hold your hand, what are you going to tell him?" asked Phil's mom. "I'm going to tell him not to think about it until I am... twenty." "You can't have earned a doctorate by twenty." "Oh." "Thirty is a good number."

"So I'll wait until I'm thirty. But.. what about love?" Phil asked innocently. That made Phil's mom stop. "Well, when you are old enough. And you have achieved all goals, then is the time to open yourself up and enter the metaphorical arena of love, and find someone of equal intelligence." said Phil's mom. Little Phil nodded and the spotlight over them dimmed.

"Now that is just insane." Loki sputtered. "No family is like that, not even mine!" he said. "Phil's family was." Bruce told him. "And now it is time we look at the other part of this. At Steve Rogers." said Tony. "Bring in Steve."

Two doctors carried Steve over their shoulders and set him down in the middle of the stage. They measured him up and down, asked him questions, smelled him, and felt his muscles. "Well, we have come to a conclusion." said one of them, with a thick french accent. "Extreme normalsy." said the other. "He is absolutely positively normal."

Loki gaped at them all. "But this makes no sense!" he said. "The whole time it's 'Phil is abnormal, Phil is super smart. And now you are telling me there is absolutely nothing different about the one he fell in love with? But.. how?!" said Loki. "None of this makes sense. In fact it's absurd!" he said. Tony walked over to Loki and placed his hand on his arm. "I know it's confusing, but it's what we intend to figure out. So if you're patient, we can find out this great mystery that is love." said Tony.

Loki glanced at Tony. Then at the hand on his arm. Then back up at Tony. He slowly pulled his arm away. "So, let's take a glance at Phil's relationship with Steve." said Bruce slowly. He eyed Tony and Loki suspiciously.

The spotlight went up on Phil Present Day and Steve. They were holding hands and looking at each other fondly. They quickly broke apart when they heard footsteps coming towards them. It was Phil's mom. "Excuse me." she said with a very forced smile. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but what exactly are you doing here, Steven? You've been here every day this week." she stated. "Well.. erm.. we've been working on a project." started Phil. "Yeah, huge project. I would be totally lost on all of this if not for Phil." Steve backed him up. Phil's mother nodded and eyed them both carefully before she left the room.

Steve and Phil turned back towards each other and very slowly moved towards each other until their lips were barely touching. And then Steve moved forward and kissed Phil, gently and tenderly. The spotlight dimmed on the two.

"So how did this.." Bruce motioned to what just happened. ".. turn to this." said Tony, clicking the remote over at the real Phil, crying in the corner.

Bruce pointed the remote in the far corner of the stage. Steve Rogers stood there alone. He was writing a letter, and then began to read it aloud. "Phil, the times we've had together have been great. You'll always hold a special place in my heart and the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. But the fact that your parents may never accept us is just too difficult. I also feel like you are always so reserved when you are around me. I think it's time we move on and see new people. I'm sorry, but you'll see that this is for the best. For both of us."

Bruce clicked the remote and the lights on Steve dimmed. Loki just stared at them all. "Ouch.." said Loki softly. "But.. I still don't understand. This whole time it just gets more and more confusing and makes less and less sense." said Loki. "It's not even worth it anymore. I'm done, give me the money you promised." said Loki, turning to Tony. "W-wait! we still have a lot more to look at and we can find the answer to-" "I'm not interested in the answer anymore. Just give me the money and I'm leaving." said Loki. "Well... I may have.. mislead you.." said Tony slowly. "_What?"_ Loki asked

"Well you see.. I can't give you that money." said Tony. "It's against... well... a lot of legal things. But the bottom line is, I can't give you the money." "So you lied to me." "Mislead." "Lied." said Loki furiously.

"Well, that's all, Loki. We won't be needing you anymore. You can go." said Bruce, ushering Loki off stage until he was lost in the crowd. When Bruce walked back on stage, Tony was glaring daggers at him, but also looked a bit confused. There were tears in his eyes. "I.. loved him." Tony said quietly, amazed. "I loved him and you sent Loki away!" said Tony, turning to Bruce. "I know! How does it feel? Oh how better to know how Phil feels than to experience it for yourself! Tell me, is it depressing? Soul crushing?" said Bruce, taking out his notepad.

Tony moved closer to Bruce. He grabbed his shirt and pulled back his fist to punch. "Tony! Phil Scientist Two!" he exclaimed. "Don't be mad at me! I did it for science!" said Bruce, terrified.

"I loved Loki and you sent him away and I'll never see him again! I'm going to kill you!" Tony yelled. Bruce wriggled from Tony's grasp and ran, Tony chased after him. They ran through the audience.

Through all of the chaos, Phil Coulson young stepped onto the stage and took a microphone, the lets dimmed except for one spotlight on him. "I think what the adults are failing to realize is, love is love. You can't go trying to understand it, or you will end up more confused than you started. Just go with it. Love who you love. And love when you're ready. Goodnight everyone." said Phil, taking a bow.


End file.
